A Symbol of Forever

I grew up in a church community that didn’t wear wedding rings. Yes, it was incredibly confusing determining who was married outside of the church, but the tradition still lasts today. Respectfully, this concept comes from the two Bible verses, “… (W)omen should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire” (1 Timothy 2:9) and “Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear” (1 Peter 3:3).

As I am no longer a part of that church, I disavowed the doctrine of not wearing rings - probably because I also braid my hair and wear pearls.. but the concept hangs in my heart. Well maybe not in my heart, but certainly in my subconscious of the person I “should” be. When I started dating Ben and talked about rings, all I said about the topic was that I didn’t want him to spend more than $100 on a ring for me. I put that strict of a budget on him. I was naive about how much rings cost, and I wanted to portray the illusion that I was a humble, Godly woman who didn’t need a nice ring to show off her love for the world. I wanted our love to speak for itself.

But our depth of love wasn’t there yet… Ben romantically proposed at my family’s lakehouse, and the first words out of my mouth were, “how much did it cost?” when I saw the open ring box. Honestly, Ben did well. He spent a little less than $600 on a modest engagement ring. More than I had told him, but less than most other “evil” rings out there :) The issue was, I hated the ring - despised the setting. It wasn’t the size - but the style. And I told him I didn’t like it, but I didn’t tell him I wanted a new one, because that would then be unGodly and ungrateful.

We got married and continued on with life, but every time I looked down at my finger, I felt animosity towards him. The feeling that Ben should have bought me a beautiful ring that embodied our beautiful marriage, but since my ring was ugly then our marriage must be ugly too. This thought lingered and I carried it into every disagreement as if Ben had already thrown the first punch.

So coming up on year 3 of our marriage and dozens of unnecessary fights, I told him I’d like to go ring shopping - you know “just for fun.” He knew I hated the ring at this point but was he supposed to get me a new flashy diamond to prove our love was good enough to last? Yep! Yes, that’s exactly what I wanted. I wanted big and beautiful, white gold and everlasting! We went ring shopping for the very first time in our relationship. We learned about what makes a diamond special and what makes some so much more than others that are the same size. It was so much fun and enlightening, and in the end, Ben bought me my favorite ring.

Now it’s been almost 2 years since I received my new ring, and I do really love it. Before we left for our latest road trip, I forgot it at a friend’s house while hand patting some burgers. My friend text me the next day saying she had found it - and I hadn’t even had noticed! I decided to wait another day before getting it, and I put on my original engagement ring. I stared at the ring that I was proposed to with and fell in love with it in a whole new way. We’re such different people than we were 5 years ago, and I am very thankful to have a ring that I really do like, but I’m really just glad that I married Ben and have created a family with him.

I no longer care how big the ring on my finger is because I know that we have built a marriage that is so much more beautiful than any piece of shiny jewelry. I don’t need the symbol to define the quality of our marriage. The quality of our life together speaks for itself. I’m no longer compensating for my poor communication, quick temper, and selfish motives. I am working on my flaws and enjoying whatever symbol of my marriage that is on my finger - in fact, I will be wearing a navy silicone Qalo ring for the next 2 months because I forgot both gold rings at home.

It's great wearing a piece of jewelry every day that you love, but building a marriage that isn’t defined by your wedding ring should be the goal. So if you’re not engaged yet, I do hope you get a ring you love. Talk to your boyfriend about your desires and be realistic with your current budget. If you can’t afford a ring you love, then I suggest waiting and saving until you can afford it.

As for braids, pearls, and other nice clothing, you’ll have to answer to God on your own about that. I can’t wait to hear about the story behind your ring, tattoo, or lack thereof!

xoxo,
Kara